Climate change warning: Greenland once melted and raised the ocean 5 feet.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Nate sucks. I refer, of course, to the boyfriend of Andy Sachs, the protagonist of The Devil Wears Prada. In the twenty years since the film’s release, Adrian Grenier’s Nate has become widely recognized as “the worst” and “the true villain” of the movie, largely because he is a whiny baby for much of the film’s runtime, rather than simply being grateful to have Anne Hathaway’s attention for even a moment. Andy’s romantic alternative is no better—Christian Thompson (Simon Baker) is slimy and clearly far more in love with his own “charm” than...