Oh, Canada? Smith and Moe Are Flirting with a Breakup They Can’t Win

Buckle up, Canucks, because Alberta’s Danielle Smith and Saskatchewan’s Scott Moe are starring in the Prairie remake of Separatist Dreams Gone Wild. These two premiers keep crooning about “Loyal Albertans” and “Loyal Saskatchewanians,” conveniently forgetting the part where they’re supposed to be “Loyal Canadians.” Their timing? Oscar-worthy. Just 72 hours after Prime Minister Mark Carney’s election, Smith’s slashing at Canada’s unity like it’s a Black Friday sale, while Moe, channeling Hank Hill with a canola obsession, shrugs off Western separation talk like it’s small talk at a Tim Hortons. All this while Carney’s stuck shaking hands with Donald Trump, who probably thinks Canada’s just a colder North Dakota.

Let’s start with Smith, Alberta’s premier-turned-separatist influencer, who’s decided the best way to greet a new PM is to mimic Quebec’s Parti Québécois and threaten a “national unity crisis.” Her game plan? Nine oil-soaked demands flung at Carney faster than a Calgary Stampede lasso. No pipelines? No emissions cap relief? Then Canada’s got six months before her “What’s Next” panel starts penning referendum fan fiction. She’s even pushing legislation to let 10% of Canadian citizens in Alberta - yep, just one in ten - force a separation vote on the other 90%. But here’s the plot twist she’s dodging: if Canada’s divisible, so is Alberta. The Clarity Act, that constitutional killjoy, demands a clear question and a clear majority for secession. It also nods to the Partition Principle, meaning Calgary, Edmonton, and First Nations lands could tell Smith, “Thanks, but we’re staying Canadian.” Alberta’s territorial integrity? About as solid as a snowbank in July. Good luck keeping those borders when your biggest cities and Indigenous communities are waving the maple leaf.  

Then there’s Moe, Saskatchewan’s propane-peddling poet, who can’t muster the guts to shut down the separation chatter. “If Saskatchewan citizens want their voice heard in the way of a plebiscite or referendum, they’re going to get their voice heard,” he drawls, like he’s greenlighting a bake-off, not a constitutional crisis. He’s also fine with 10% of Canadian citizens in Saskatchewan triggering a province-wide secession vote, leaving the other 90% to clean up the mess. Clarity Act? Partition Principle? Never heard of ‘em. But here’s the rub: if Canada’s divisible, so is Saskatchewan. Saskatoon, Regina, and First Nations territories could easily opt to stay with Canada, leaving Moe with a patchwork province smaller than his oversized Stetson. Territorial integrity? More like territorial fan fiction. He’s all hat, and no cattle...

And let’s not forget the geopolitical soap opera. Smith’s been batting her eyelashes at Donald Trump, jetting to Mar-a-Lago and sweet-talking Breitbart about how she begged him to hold off on tariffs for her pal Pierre Poilievre. Selfies with Kevin O’Leary and Trump. And now she’s pretending she’s not stoking annexation fever while Carney negotiates with a guy who probably thinks the Prairies are just Montana’s backyard.  

Here’s the real kicker: if Canada green-lights the Hudson Bay Energy Export Terminal, Patriotic Canadians in Alberta and Saskatchewan should form a united front and take them down in the next provincial elections. First Nations chiefs are already calling out Moe and Smith, accusing them of trampling treaties and “manufacturing a crisis” when Canada needs to stand united against Trump’s tariff tantrums. So, what’s the play, Canada? Let Smith and Moe keep workshopping their citizen-initiated secession stunts, or remind them that “Team Canada” isn’t just a hashtag? The Clarity Act has our back: if they want to break up, they don’t get to keep all the pieces. Carney’s got Trump to wrangle, but back home, it’s time for a fierce, united front - provinces, First Nations, and voters - to shut down these 2 circus clowns. Smith and Moe want to play separatist? Let’s show ‘em what Canadian loyalty looks like at the ballot box. ELBOWS UP